Pictures

To blog... a blog... of blogs...

If you wonder why I haven't been blogging...

I have...

Just not here...

I blog here now: http://rachelmbarnett.wordpress.com/

Update yourself. =)

Today

Today was a marvelous day... and marvelous things happened.
I made no bake cookies tonight. They taste yummy.

The End.

Mrs. Barnett

In the past few months I have not blogged much of anything at all. My focus was slightly distracted by my engagement to Mr. Michael Barnett. Well... we have survived and I have come out on the other end of this a happily married woman.

Now... it has come the time to focus on other things, but first a picture.




Ok... so the wedding went better than I could have hoped for... it was beautiful in every aspect of the word! Michael and I were surrounded by love and support. =) Then came the honeymoon... again it was fantastic to be able to spend time with my new husband! God really revealed some strength within me that he has been building up for some time now. Michael and I connected in some amazing ways, and we faced some challenges as well.
Now we are home with the kids trying to mesh our lives together. I have to admit that it has been a pretty challenging process so far. I have been pretty messy.... and I have had a really difficult time sharing that messiness with Michael. Well.. other than the times that I attempt to blame him for my messiness. There is something inside of me that always wants for things to be okay... even if I haven't taken the time to truly face the issue. I haven't wanted to connect with God and I have not made much of an effort at all to connect with family or friends in my life. LAME. Apparently it was confession time on the ol' blog here.

I am taking the time to stop and evaluate where I am at... and why not post it for the world to see? I could use the accountability... right? It may possibly motivate me to actually pick up the phone and connect with a LIVE human being. My life is beginning... this is a new and exciting time for me... I am going to stop running away and start moving forward.

Countdown: 1 day 15 hours

My wedding day is almost here and I will soon get to enjoy life as a married woman... a woman that is no longer planning and preparing for a wedding. HA! I can't wait!!!! Michael is an incredible man and I am so blessed to be spending the rest of my days as his partner in life. He's been in my life for a year and a half... and my entire world has seemed to have changed in that short time. Always and forever I will be so thankful that God has brought me the love of my life!!!

Morning Conversation

Our conversation in the car this morning...

Cameran: I know how cops are able to tell if you are speeding. Your red lights go on when you stop and if there are no red lights then you are going.

Christian: Some cops have mustaches.

Cameran: They do. I've never seen one though.

Christian: They really do. For reals... when I am a cop I will have a mustache.

Cameran: I know a cops name once. His name was Cop One.

Christian: His name was Cop One? Was he the first cop ever?

Cameran: Yep. He was the first cop ever. Then came Cop Two, Cop Three, Cop Four, and Cop Five. And the cops with the same numbers ride in the same car, but there can only be five of them. Mom what's five plus five?

Me: Ten

Cameran: There are only ten cops.

The On My Mind List

These are the following things that are currently swirling and twirling around my mind.

1. As of tomorrow I will have a 7 year old son. He is such a wonderful son... but for some reason he just keeps having birthdays, growing taller, and learning things. Boys... humph.
2. Building the skills to get married is more difficult than washing a full grown tom cat who is covered in bubblegum. I am really blessed to have Michael by my side through all of this though... he is amazing.
3. Redding is darn hot. Really darn hot. Really really darn hot. I love that it cools down in the evenings though... right now we have all the windows open and there is a cool breeze making its way around.
4. My cat and dog have formed a murderous league of dangerous animals. The cat is the assassin and then the dog disembodies the victim with his teeth. This wouldn't be such an issue, however the disembodiments are frequently occurring within my living room. The latest casualty... a lizard... was found in at least three sections.
5. My ex husband claims he will be coming to the mainland (from Hawaii) this winter. We haven't seen him in over 4 years... and I'm not overly excited about the reunion. The bright side is... I imagine his wardrobe mostly consists of boardshorts and flip flops... and I believe we are due for a winter wonderland when he arrives. Brrrrrrr... =P
6. Happiness should be independent of circumstance.
7. It's extremely difficult to step back and allow for people you love to make poor choices and suffer the consequences of that poor choice.
8. There is a bottle of wine in the fridge and ice cream in the freezer... which one to choose? which one to choose?
9. Lavender pillow spray from Bath and Body Works changed my life... when my head hits the pillow I just seem to melt into the covers.
10. God really loves me a lot. At this point in my life I have a beautiful daughter who loves to talk with me, an amazing and strong son who is learning how to be an honorable man, and I am marrying an honorable man who cooked me a delicious dinner tonight AND THEN massaged my shoulders as I did the dishes. =)

Conversations with Cameran

Cameran: "Do you know why prison is bad? Why people don't want to go there? I do."

Me: "Why?"

Cameran: "Because they feed you really yuck food."

Me: "What kind of food?"

Cameran: "They give you hamburgers without buns.... it's really gross. They only give you three things: hamburgers, ketchup, and mustard... no buns."

Best Interest

So... a lot of marriage stuff has been on my mind. Which should be a good thing... considering my wedding day is slowly (or rather quickly?) continuing to approach. This process definitely has its intense moments, but at the end of the day... I am still completely blessed and excited to be marrying Michael.

Okay... so the latest thoughts that I have been pondering were brought up not only by our marriage mentors, but by Michael's parents. In the past week they both brought up the book "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson (at least that is who comes up when I google "Love and Respect"). One of the things that really touched my heart about what was mentioned was that as a couple... it is crucial that you be able to go into a situation knowing that the other person has your best interest at heart. It really made me begin to examine some of my motives... do I go into various situations with Michael's best interests in mind? Maybe... sometimes... sure... but not nearly enough. I want to be able to answer that question with an "ABSOLUTELY I DO!!!". I'm sure that God and I can figure out a way to get me there.

Ultimate Joy and Happiness

<---- One of our engagement pictures from last Saturday.

I have been learning some fantastic things about joy the past couple of weeks. The past few weeks have been difficult. Moving... moving... unpacking... and the thermostat in Redding being turned up to "extra hot and toasty" have not really helped with the building frustration. Every morning for the past week I have begun my day by inviting God's presence and joy into my life. It has not been easy. From the moment that I wake up... I have had absolutely no motivation and an extremely lame attitude problem. I press in to God's love for me... and it really seems to help.

Today I was extremely blessed to be able to enjoy some of the fruit from my persistence. There is something very strong inside of me that is radiating with joy!! It seems to be unshakable and I have been able to meet the challenges with a quiet strength that I don't remember having before. I still made mistakes today... I still had "unfun" things to have to face, but in every moment I have had a wonderful awareness that there is no reason that those things should steal my joy.

One of the things that Michael and I are learning from our marriage mentors :required reading: is the effect of a positive and negative attitude on your relationships. If your joy is attached to your circumstance... then the majority of the time even if your circumstances are good... you'll continue to have a negative perspective. However, if your positive attitude is independent of circumstance... life is able to be wonderful no matter what circumstance may try to dictate. I want more of that!!!

Defining the Relationship

I have really been enjoying our Thursday nights with Frank and Amanda! We were not able take the "Defining the Relationship" class at Bethel... because it doesn't even begin until close to the time when we will *hopefully*... be VERY close to getting married. =) So... I bought the DVDs and workbooks and we are going over to Frank and Amanda's once a week. It has already blessed me SO much to be able to talk and share with them... AND listen to the lessons by Danny Silk of course.

Michael and I are also going to begin to meet with a marriage mentor couple. We should be meeting with them for the first time at the end of next week. I am really excited to get to meet with them! I am especially interested to find out how Michael and I scored on our compatibility tests!!! I'm sure we can already guess the areas of our relationship that could use some extra help, but it will be fun to get the results all the same!!!

Marrying Michael?

A question that popped up last week is:

Why am I marrying Michael?


I talked with Michael about it today at lunch. We had a delicious meal at The Downtown Eatery, the sweet potato fries are AMAZING!! Anyhow... his answer is totally different then mine.. its not even funny. It just goes to prove that he is indeed a man and I am indeed a woman. I won't share his answer... if you want to know... then you'll have to ask him. LOL I'm sure he'll love getting asked this question more than once. ;)

So, "Why am I marrying Michael?" I believe that God has an amazing purpose for my life. He has things that he wants for me to do, that no one else on the face of the planet would be able to do. Ya... I'm special... you are too!! =) Michael is the man that God has placed in my life to help me to fulfill that purpose. He has tools, gifts, and insights that are an incredible blessing to me and super supportive on my journey. My relationship with Michael is an adventure that teaches me more and more about relationships each and everyday. That is one of the main reasons that God created us... relationship... relationship with Him and relationship with others. I am making a commitment to carry on with this adventure with him for the rest of my life. Learning together how to pursue God and how to pursue each other. It's lovely learning all of this relationship stuff with Mr. Barnett.

Oh ya and as far as marriage is concerned... it helps that I am MADLY in love with Michael. The passion runs deep my friend. ;)

Dresses and Glory

There are so many wedding plans swirling around... it is AMAZING!!! Everything that Michael has planned for our wedding so far is an absolute dream come true!! I was able to find my wedding dress and bridesmaids dresses on the very first trip out. I can't even begin to express how completely blessed I am. God is giving me more than I could have ever dreamed for. Those small little things, the things that I would be too embarrassed to even say out loud... he's giving me those things too!

This weekend I got to go with my maid of honor, one of my bridesmaids, my grooms mom, my grooms sister, and my step-mom on a trip to find the perfect dress. It was such a wonderful time! I was so excited that everyone was able to come and share in that time.
Okay... time to step back... there is a purpose for me not knowing the date of my wedding. There is a purpose for Michael taking over the responsibility of planning our wedding. I'm supposed to be doing something else... I am supposed to be preparing my heart. What does that look like? To begin I am starting to look deeper inside my heart... "strength-training"... the heart kind. On Sunday I had a vision during worship where God revealed to me that I have NEVER fully experienced his glory. I have had glimpses of it... on the side of my face... on the back of my neck... but I have NEVER come face to face on my knees with his glory. He revealed this to me... because it is going to change. I am going to be hit smack in the face with it... and I'll never want to be away from it again... I will spend the rest of my life seeking His glory.

I haven't been ready, but I will be. He's drawing me closer everyday... he reveals himself more and more all the time. I am going to keep pressing in... I can't wait to see what is around the next bend. So... as the wedding plans move closer... I am trying to keep my focus on drawing closer to God. It's really tough sometimes, I could probably spend A LOT of my time focused on the wedding. Dreaming... dreaming.. dreaming... God give me the strength instead to be preparing... preparing... preparing.

The Presence

I felt the presence of God tonight. It was one of those moments where my heart simply began to ache from the love and peace I was experiencing. I long so much to live in that place... to rest at His feet and take pleasure in His presence.

My core group was tonight. I have been so incredibly blessed by my relationships with these women. I've blogged before about some of the struggles that I have faced in my friendships. I have been an unhealthy person... which led me to pursue and create unhealthy friendships. The dynamic that I have been experiencing in my core group is absolutely indescribable!! I've never felt like this about a group of women before, I walk into a room with them and I feel at peace. I love listening to their stories... and sharing my heart with them. I love being vulnerable with these women... I love being able to rest in their strength.

Praise God for all of the amazing things he has been doing!!! He takes care of me and provides me with all of the desires of my heart. From the smallest moments, to the life altering times... He delights in showing me how much He truly loves me. His anointing is clearly on my life... the blessings have been falling down like rain and I cannot even begin to imagine what he has in store for me next. I am so undeserving... and he loves me anyway. Even in those "hard to swallow" times... they are all just a reminder of how he longs to care for me.

Resting at his feet... I love to lay in his presence... I don't have to do or say anything... he delights in my peace!! =) I am going to seek more of this... I am going to seek more of the simple pleasure of being with Him.

Frustrated

I am frustrated! Grrrrrrr! I don't feel supported... I don't feel like people understand what I want... I don't feel like people feel as though I'm allowed to "want what I want". It's majorly irritating, because when it comes down to it... I care about the opinions of these people. I want for them to be happy for me, and it doesn't look as though that is going to happen.

I totally hate this feeling of helplessness. I'm not really sure how to move forward. I could use some major "sent from above" wisdom.

The Engagement Story

This is a picture of Michael and I when we first started our relationship in December of 2007.

This past memorial day weekend, Michael and I were house-sitting at my Aunt Cyndee's house. It was a blast!!! She has a pool, pond, horse, dogs, property, a beautiful home and we definitely made use of all of it this weekend. On Saturday... I was really struggling with some things... and so I started to talk with Michael about it and be vulnerable with him. We began reading Psalms 40 together (amazing chapter!!!) and praying. In the middle of that, Christian got in trouble and was sitting in time out on the couch. Michael calls Christian over and says, "What would you think about me marrying your Mom?" Christian says, "That would be good, you are nice" haha so cute!! So.... Michael looks at me and says, "I think it is time for you to give me your ring" (you may have to read my post "Discussing Wedding Bells" to know what that means). I don't really know what to do or say... so I just sat there quietly staring at him.

Then Michael asks Christian, "What does a man do when he wants for a woman to marry him?" And Christian replies, "He says 'Can you marry me?'" So... Michael looks at me and says, "Can you marry me?" I start laughing and tell him, "YES!!!!" Then Michael looks at Christian and says, "This is what a man does when he wants for a woman to marry him..." at that point he got down on one knee and said some of the most beautiful, personal, and sweet things I have ever heard!!! At the very end he asked me, "Will you marry me?" I said, "Yes." and jumped into his arms with the hugest smile on my face.

Christian went out and told Cameran and she kept asking, "Really? are they really getting married???" Haha the answer is yes.... we are really getting married. We plan on doing marriage mentoring which will take at least 12 weeks (if anyone knows the people over there, could you give them a nudge on getting back to me!!!). Then after that we will be getting married. I am not going to know the date (again you'll have to refer to my previous post "Discussing Wedding Bells" if you want to know why). So... if you want exact details you will have to ask Michael.

I am so incredibly happy!! I have found the man of my dreams and I anticipate with pleasure the day that our two lives will become one. I ask that everyone pray that I am able to rest and enjoy this season of engagement, because honestly I would love to just run off and marry the man of my dreams tomorrow. I know there is something more than that for me in this season though. Thank you everyone for the congratulations!!! All of the well wishes have blessed me more than you know!!! Being able to feel the love and support of the community around us, is such an amazing encouragement to me!!

Ah yes... and the rumors are true... he did propose when I was without make-up and still in my pajamas. Hehe now that is true love!!!

A MUST READ!!!

Should I beat around the bush? Or just come out and say it?

I'm engaged!!!!

Updates

Ever since my birthday I have been absolutely exhausted! Is this what it feels like to be old??? Have I gotten to this point already at the ripe old age of 24??? The only reason I have managed to stay awake as late as I have, is because I took a nap earlier this evening! Wow... what a negative and complaining attitude... what is going on here?

I just want to take a little bit of time before bed to send forth praise to God for the things that he has been doing in my life. It is so easy to focus on the bad things. There always seems to be SOMETHING that I could complain about... but I am so tired of allowing that spirit to take over my life. It's not thanksgiving.... but I don't need a turkey to recognize the blessings God has given me in my life.

1. The thing I am probably most excited about right now is exploring a future with the man that I love. I love having him in my life and am so blessed to get to experience these seasons with him by my side. Thank you God for trusting me with his heart... I will be praising your goodness for the rest of my life!!

Michael and I at a wine tasting in Napa!

2. My kids are amazing!!! Summer is coming up and it blows me away how much my kids have learned over the past year. I can't believe my babies will be turning 5 and 7 this summer!!!!

Christian and Cameran outside of Cool Hand Lukes

3. We're moving this summer... to a house!! With the kids growing up... and the possibility of another family member in the upcoming future... we are upgrading to a beautiful 3 bedroom home with a deliciously big backyard.

Ninja shot of the new place!!!

Just a taste of the blessing and favor that God has on my life. More to come!!! I need to get to bed, that nap was not long enough!!!

The Lesson

What does it mean to truly be in love?

It means that even when that person isn't around... I choose better... because I love them. The love does not fade or disappear when they aren't around. It grows stronger. It changes me. It changes my relationships with others. In order to express my love... I have to choose better in EVERY area... not just the areas that directly impact my relationship.

It's a tough lesson to learn... but I just may be beginning to understand it.

Discussing Wedding Bells

Michael and I have started discussing marriage a bit more seriously. We've been taking a closer look at some pretty heavy issues in order to make sure that we have all of the cards on the table. One of the the more interesting things that has come up a discussion about the actual wedding ceremony. What if the wedding ceremony was more a mixture reflective of Jesus coming back for his bride? What if the bride didn't know when her actual wedding day was? What if she prepared for the wedding... and then one day the man of her dreams knocked on her door to sweep her away. All of her family and friends already knew that this day was here, and were able to come and celebrate with the happy couple.

Could you imagine? Michael is much better at explaining this than I am. But wow. With so many couples focused on the wedding day, the idea of the bride not even knowing when the wedding day is fascinates me! I'm not the type of woman that has the wedding of her dreams planned out... it just has never been me. I wouldn't need for my wedding to be a certain way in order to be happy. How wonderful would it be for the wedding itself to be a beautiful gift that is especially prepared for the bride? Ya... I know it is pretty far out there... but the idea of it is pretty amazing!!

Another thing that we had discussed, that was more on the frivolous side of marriage, was the wedding ring. I'm not a big fan of jewelery... it's not really my thing. I have one ring that I love to wear and that is pretty much it. My ring was given to me on my 21st birthday as a gift from my Dad and Grammy. It has a diamond from one of her diamond earrings, and two rubies that represent my kids. My Dad had the stones placed in a setting for me and I have had it on my finger ever since. When I get married I want for it to be with this ring that means so much to me. So, I talked with Michael about it... and if he were to propose to me... he would take my ring instead of giving me one. He would then have it made into something beautiful and new that he would present to me on our wedding day. I wouldn't have an engagement ring on my finger prior to the wedding, but I would have the promise that the man of my dreams would be giving me his heart. *sigh* haha... I know that it is anything but traditional, but these unique expressions of love absolutely melt my heart!!! So... if you don't see my ring on my finger you'll know what it means... lol!

So... those are a couple of the things that I am processing right now. Of course we are also talking about kids, family, finances, jobs, expectations, lifestyles, and all of those lovely things. I guess I just figured I would share the juicy stuff. Just to clarify... I am not engaged... just exploring the possibility right now.