Chaos

My mind is racing a mile a minute and it is hard to keep up with it all. I have my highs my lows... my inbetween... I am a woman... my emotions are fantastic and irritating all at the same time. Life can be busy for me: single mother, two kids, full time mom, part time student... mix in the family, friends and boyfriend and we have a fabulous mix... but a busy busy busy one.

Through all of the chaos it can be frustrating to try and listen to your heart. I know that it is important, but at the same moment there is a part of me that wonders... who has the time? I can't allow for that attitude to take control of me. If I stop listening to my heart, I will become stuck, eventually unhappiness will take over and I will have no idea why.

My heart desires a closer relationship with God. I know this and yet I still can find myself idiotically trying to fill my heart up with practically ANYTHING else. I run away. What a loving and merciful God who chooses to love me anyway. I place so many distractions between us and yet he continues to pursue me and let me know that when I am ready, he will still be there. I know I don't have forever... I have to choose better today.

I love making a list of my priorities and God typically makes the top of my list. Most of the time though it is probably just because I've thought he should be. I am learning that I need him to be. The only way that works is if I am able to reflect this decision with my time and actions.