Vulnerable

I hate being vulnerable. I hate asking for things. I hate putting my fragile heart on a platter and allowing someone else to decide what to do with it. What if they mistreat it? What if they ignore it? Then I have my excuse to push them away and never be vulnerable again. Why am I allowing someone else to have control of MY vulnerability?

It's been a messy week. My heart is hurting. God and I have been tearing down some of the walls I have around my heart and it hasn't felt very nice. I don't know what to do, I feel very exposed. It doesn't help that not very many people know how to handle me in this freshly peeled state. Things that normally wouldn't bother me, hurt me in a whole new way. Things that do bother me are capable of bringing me into hysterical tears.

Yep, it's a mess.