Identity

I am searching for the answer to the grandest question of all time: Who am I? It's a journey that has led me to some pretty intense realizations. This is a really hard question for me to answer, because I typically answer it with: Who do you want me to be? I allow for others to define who I am. I don't react based on the truths that I hold within myself... I react based on what I believe others want.

Lately I have been stretching myself in so many directions, that it's not surprising that there aren't very many people who know me well at the moment. I am experimenting. I'm testing things out and trying to figure out what it is that I really want, I'm pursuing my future. I'm not really sure what that looks like at the moment, but I want to though.

I allow myself to get so caught up in "self-improvement". There are so many things that I want to change about my life. So many things that I want to do with this amazing life God has given me... I just take step after step in that new direction. I'll read books, change habits, restructure priorities. I'm a practical person and those are all practical ways to obtain change. I am a goal setter, which is totally good. I see the goal in front of me and then I start figuring out the steps it will take for me to get there. I have a lot going on right now... lots of goals... lots of steps... I'm getting there, but it's exhausting.

I want more then a practical change in my life! I want a change that is only capable through God. Which means doing something that makes no sense to me... being still. Being still and just resting and spending time with Him. He is capable of changing my heart in every way. Goodness... he can give me a NEW heart!