The Wilderness

God showed me that the Israelites stayed in the wilderness because they had a "wilderness mentality" -- certain types of wrong thinking kept them in bondage.
- Joyce Meyer

I have really been stuck in the wilderness lately... and I definitely do not want to stay here for forty years. It is challenging to attempt to change my mindset, the devil has despised my efforts and is throwing down just about everything that he has to stop me. He wants to keep me stuck AND I feel stuck... and I HATE it.

Lately though I have been realizing more clearly something that I have known all along, the victory in my life, my heart, and my mind all belong to God! It is as simple as that! All I have to do is continue to surrender to him. **ha I use the term "all" lightly.. surrender is no easy task in my world**

God has challenged me the past few days with some serious issues that I need to surrender to him. Honestly, I didn't do a very good job of "getting 'er done" today. Mondays... bleck whatever. I still have a few hours before bed and I am making a commitment to turning this day around... and tomorrow I know that I will be even closer to the purpose God has planned for my life. I know it is a big one. There wouldn't be such a great struggle if there weren't such great blessings to come. =)I claim the victory of my Lord and Saviour.

Thank you God for always leading me through the wilderness.

The Struggle

I am really struggling tonight. I miss my Papa. I want to spend time with him and tell him what is happening in my life. Everywhere I turn I am reminded again how much I miss him. I have been reminded of him so many times the past week and it has been tearing me apart. I long to hear him approve of the choices I am making in my life. I long to just sit in the same room as him and enjoy his presence. I am tired of crying.

There is a selfish spirit rising up in my heart right now. I really need to turn it over to God. This is one of those times where it would be so simple to throw a pity party for myself and stay there as long as possible. I am hurting. I don't want to accept the way things are right now, I would love to deny my sadness. I would love to distract myself and so far that is how I have been facing this, with as many distractions as I can muster.

So.. just now on the radio the song, "It feels like home to me" by Chantal Kreviazuk came on. I miss feeling safe and at home. The only way that I will be able to find the safety and peace that I am looking for is to turn to God. There is no other person or thing that will be able to give me that feeling except for Him. I don't want to admit that is true. I really want to try and find that somewhere else, anywhere else, believe me I have tried. It never works. I only end up hurting myself until I realize that I need to surrender it all to God all over again.

Great things are going to happen, I know that they must be right around the corner. I never struggle as much as when God is about to do an AMAZING work in my life. Sabotage I tell you... sabotage... the devil just can't handle it. Whatever. Sucks for him, because I am going to take care of my stuff and fulfill the role God has for me. By just allowing myself to realize that I am preparing myself to fight and win.