Headed Out of Town

I really am excited to share a little bit about the amazing weekend I had with Michael when we visited Grammy and Leroy in Salinas this past weekend. They showed us around town and we even got to spend some time in Monterey and Carmel. Here are a few of my favorite pictures from our trip:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I had such an amazing time! I was able to reconnect a little bit with my Grammy. I have missed her so much and I really want to be able to find a way to be a part of her new life that she is creating. It hurts and it's new, but I know that it will be wonderful when it happens.

The most stellar thing about my weekend though were the precious memories that I created with Michael. That man... he is the most incredible man... the sweetest man... that man that I am in love with. I won't gush too much about it, but WOW I am such a blessed woman to have God bring a man like that into my life. :)

Healthy Holidays

I'm thinking ahead to the holidays. I love the holidays!!! I'm already pretty stressed about it this year though. Everything is different this year, everything is new. Have I mentioned yet how difficult change is for me? Holidays are a time for family and at this moment I feel like my family has stretched into so many different directions that I don't even know how to begin to handle it all. There is structure and safety, the familiar, the new, and then there is the wild card.

The wild card in my life is what I am having the most difficulty with right now. I just got off of the phone and I really just need to grrrrr this out at the moment.

I need to do the best thing for me during the holidays and expect everyone else in my life to do the same.

That is so difficult to accept. I want so much to break myself into a million pieces so that I can be where everyone would like for me to do be. That is just insane though... right? Hah.. oh well... it is my goal to have a happy holiday season full of healthy relationships with my friends and family. I know that if I put it all under God's control it will all be taken care of. I just wish that it wasn't such a darn challenge to keep healthy boundaries!

The Struggle

I am really struggling tonight. I miss my Papa. I want to spend time with him and tell him what is happening in my life. Everywhere I turn I am reminded again how much I miss him. I have been reminded of him so many times the past week and it has been tearing me apart. I long to hear him approve of the choices I am making in my life. I long to just sit in the same room as him and enjoy his presence. I am tired of crying.

There is a selfish spirit rising up in my heart right now. I really need to turn it over to God. This is one of those times where it would be so simple to throw a pity party for myself and stay there as long as possible. I am hurting. I don't want to accept the way things are right now, I would love to deny my sadness. I would love to distract myself and so far that is how I have been facing this, with as many distractions as I can muster.

So.. just now on the radio the song, "It feels like home to me" by Chantal Kreviazuk came on. I miss feeling safe and at home. The only way that I will be able to find the safety and peace that I am looking for is to turn to God. There is no other person or thing that will be able to give me that feeling except for Him. I don't want to admit that is true. I really want to try and find that somewhere else, anywhere else, believe me I have tried. It never works. I only end up hurting myself until I realize that I need to surrender it all to God all over again.

Great things are going to happen, I know that they must be right around the corner. I never struggle as much as when God is about to do an AMAZING work in my life. Sabotage I tell you... sabotage... the devil just can't handle it. Whatever. Sucks for him, because I am going to take care of my stuff and fulfill the role God has for me. By just allowing myself to realize that I am preparing myself to fight and win.

Connections

Recently I have been thinking a lot about my connections with the people around me. I really struggle with trying to stay connected with friends and loved ones and I'm not really sure why. Not to mention how difficult it has been for me to accept new people into my life!!! That is a whole other story in itself. Have I been busy? Absolutely. I don't really consider that an excuse though. I have a pretty full plate with work, school, the kids, and my boyfriend (whom I'm lucky to see throughout the week). I really need to make a better effort to stay connected.

I was at Jack in the Box this afternoon (ordering a chicken fajita pita, no onions, no fries, and a diet coke) and I actually made the effort to call a friend of mine. She wasn't available, but I had tried. I need to do that more. The reality is that most phone conversations probably wouldn't take very long, but there is something inside of me that resists picking that darn thing up.

Eh... I'm stuck. I'll have to think about it more tomorrow. Unfortunately my body really wanted a coffee today and I didn't give in to its demands. I am EXHAUSTED!!! I would love to just go to bed, but I know I have some more reading to do before I can make that happen. This schedule is taking a lot out of me, I am really excited about everything that I am getting done, but I really cherish my times of rest.

Meeting the Family

I have had this amazing man named Michael in my life for... the past six months. This is a picture from one of our first dates. Michael is unlike anyone I have ever known and I am absolutely head over hills for this guy. **sigh** ok... I need to focus now or else I will end up getting even mushier then I already have, and that my friend is not the point of this blog.

This weekend we went to Concord and I was able to meet Michael's dad's side of the family. His Mom and sister live in town and I was blessed to get to meet them very early on in our relationship. His dad however had been a complete mystery to me, and so it was really fun getting to meet a side of his family that I didn't really know very much about.

Michael's lovely sister Amanda turned 30 this weekend and their dad threw a party at his restaurant. It was so much fun getting to meet these people that have known Michael for so many years. They hired a DJ and there was dancing... and alcohol... ((my favorite being the **peach bellini** yum yum. The best part was getting to be right there by my love... I am so completely blessed to be the woman that gets to be by his side!!!

So.... in case you haven't had enough mushiness from me about the men in my life. I would also like to say:

HAPPY FATHERS DAY DADDY!!!!

I didn't get to spend very much time with my Dad today, but I did get to go over and hang out with him friday night. I have been blessed to be able to work with my Dad. I get to see him and spend time with him daily, and I am very grateful for the time that this allows for us to spend together. My Dad is a huge source of guidance in my life, he is one of the first people that I go to with my "BIG" questions, and someone that I have buckets of respect for.

I love you Daddy! I hope you had an amazing father's day!