God is Good

Alright... so God has just been blessing my socks off lately. Yes, there has been some pretty tough stuff that has headed my way. The thing is God has been taking care of me through all of it. It blows me away... all of the little things that he has done for me to help renew my faith in his blessings. God is good all the time and especially in the tough times. So... I am sitting here counting my blessings and it just brings a HUGE smile to my face.

I have really been struggling with my Papa not being around lately. I had some pretty intense dreams with him in them... and it just hurts to not have him here with us anymore. Adjusting to the changes in the family have been hard, but I have a feeling that this next year will be easier for all of us. I know that we will still miss my Papa terribly, but it become easier as we adjust to the idea of it all. Most days it still just feels like it couldn't possibly be true. Honestly, I have been totally freaking out about the holidays... uck... lame... I really just need to place the whole thing in God's hands.

I got to talk to my AMAZING boyfriend Michael tonight. I have sure missed him since he started his new job. Lately though I have realized all of the wonderful things that this has been challenging us with in our relationship. The growth we have experienced already has been mind blowing.

I don't want to blog anymore... so I won't... I have some more school assignments to get done before the weekend. My final is on Saturday and my next class starts on Monday (it's an on campus class so please pray for God to continue to reveal himself to me). I sure need him through all of this. Even now I can feel his Holy Spirit with me... phenomenal peace... ahhhhhh.... God is good.

New-ness

A new challenge lies ahead and I am a bit nervous about it all. We are entering a new season yet again. Michael is starting his new job at Simpson tomorrow and I am so excited for him! I know that God has AMAZING things for him there. There is a part of me that is scared about it though. I have really been blessed by getting to spend so much time with Michael. Our schedules have been busy, but we were given time to connect on a regular basis. This next month is going to be challenging and is going to stretch us both as he juggles his new job and wrapping up his business. While I focus on keeping my life running.

My life is so much better when he is with me.. it is going to be tough to have to share him with all of these new people and responsibilities. We will make it through it though. I choose to surrender our relationship to God once again and trust that he is going to bring us even closer through these new experiences. I sure love my God... he is so good to me! Michael is such a great example of that goodness... I really am able to see how much God loves me, he would have to think the world of me to put a man like Michael in my life.

Enough mushiness... lol. In my personal life God has really been beginning to reveal to me some of the areas that he wants to use me. He is preparing my heart for the things ahead. It is scary and some of it involves some tough issues that I would rather not face, but once again I have faith that he will bring me through. I am discovering my joy all over again.

Salinas Trip

 

 

 

 

Headed Out of Town

I really am excited to share a little bit about the amazing weekend I had with Michael when we visited Grammy and Leroy in Salinas this past weekend. They showed us around town and we even got to spend some time in Monterey and Carmel. Here are a few of my favorite pictures from our trip:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I had such an amazing time! I was able to reconnect a little bit with my Grammy. I have missed her so much and I really want to be able to find a way to be a part of her new life that she is creating. It hurts and it's new, but I know that it will be wonderful when it happens.

The most stellar thing about my weekend though were the precious memories that I created with Michael. That man... he is the most incredible man... the sweetest man... that man that I am in love with. I won't gush too much about it, but WOW I am such a blessed woman to have God bring a man like that into my life. :)

Slow Down

It can be so difficult for me to take care of myself when I feel so many responsibilities weighing me down. That is my challenge. In the midst of all of the deadlines and expectations, to still find the time to take care of myself. I hate slowing down to actually think about how I am feeling.

So, today I was talking with Michael about all of the things I needed to get done. I have a paper to write, Christian's homework, dinner, reading with the kids, washing some clean socks... the list continues. He helped me to see that the only way that I would be able to effectively get any of that done would be to start the night by taking some time for myself.

What a foreign concept!!! I've heard it so many times before and I'm sure that it works great... when you do it. Not so easy to actually do it though. At least for me. I took some time to start my evening, but probably not enough. After I am done here I am going to take some time to just sit and spend time with God. I know that will change my night and make it so much easier to finish taking care of what needs to get done.

I am like a drowning woman who keeps trying to save herself. I continue to struggle against my rescuer instead of just staying still and allowing them to take care of me. Thank you God for taking care of me... thank you for your patience... your mercy... your blessings... and your grace!!!

J is for Joy

This weekend the kids went up to my Mom's house and I was so blessed to get to spend (close to) the entire weekend with Michael! We really needed the time to ourselves, especially with as busy as both of our schedules have been. Every moment we spent together I began to realize more and more why I am head over hills in love with that incredible man. I have found a connection to another person that I have never experienced. *sigh* I sure love him!

Friday night I was praying with Michael and I asked God to just pour joy into my life. There has been so much tension and stress lately. My God is so good to me and he delivered. I am at peace with the happenings in my life. I was finally able to surrender to God and place my heavy burdens at his feet. A huge weight has been lifted and I finally feel as though the next phase of my life is just around the corner.

It is so easy to get caught up in the problems and drama that life is constantly inundating me with. I am so tired of allowing circumstance to dictate my reality. God is in control of my life and he wants to bless me. I am going to start stepping back and allowing him to take over. This entire day... wow... this entire weekend has been an excellent example of how truly wonderful my life can be when I let God take care of me.

I added some pictures of when Michael and I went up to Dunsmuir this weekend. It was so relaxing and I loved the connection we found there.

Sensitivity

These past few weeks have been busy and draining. Last night, well, last night was different. I was able to relax and just enjoy the company of my wonderful kids and amazing boyfriend. It was good to just relax and laugh again. Life turns into busy-ness so easily for me. I can run around in circles with the best of them, but when I do that I lose sight of what God wants me to be doing. I am not honoring him with my time.

I am still going through the process of learning to listen to my heart, and not distracting myself from how I truly feel. It is still kicking my butt and I realized that one of the reasons I probably stopped listening to how I feel is because I am OVERLY-SENSITIVE and EMPATHETIC. Which means that when someone else feels like crap, I end up feeling like crap too. I don't take control of how I feel, I allow my environment to dictate that for me. Then the other side of that is that my tender heart becomes easily hurt. Throughout my life I learned to protect myself though and I built walls all around me. I learned not to listen to my sensitivity and taught myself to let things roll off my back. I love the idea of "mellow". I wanted that so desperately that I began to deny what my heart was really saying. I became a girl that didn't cry and I saw crying as a weakness. It was awkward and I didn't know what to do with it.

God is cleaning up the mess that I made and it hurts. I've been having to express how I am feeling to the people that I love, even if my head wants to tell me it is ridiculous and I shouldn't feel that way. Well, I do feel that way. I need to honor myself and my feelings by being honest about them. The amazing thing is I am learning to do that simply for myself, and not because I have an expectation of some sort of response from who I'm talking to. It's been great and I am really blessed God is changing this in my life.

I added some pictures from our trip to the coast a couple weeks ago. Enjoy!

Heart to Heart

I am learning to listen to my heart. It sounds like a pretty easy task, but it can be nearly impossible some days. When I am struggling with stress, or under pressure, all I want to do is distract myself. Distract myself from my heart in any way that I can. I probably wouldn't even have realized this if it weren't for my amazing Michael who is always wanting to know: where is my heart at?

So, I am learning to listen. I listen and I push away all of those distractions away... and by doing that I am able to have an amazing connection with God and the people that I love. The best way for me to start is by reading the Word of God and praying. It is amazing what a difference this can make in my world. I am so excited about being able to be open and honest with myself, and the people around me.

Naturally, my heart a lot of times can be filled with junk. When I am able to express that though, to talk about it, and lay it at the feet of God. Wow... the junk is able to get cleared out... and I feel SO much better. It can be really difficult to start, but when it happens it is absolutely phenomenal. I have been so blessed to find a man that loves me enough to go through this process with me. One of my favorite things about love, is how it makes us want to be better people, because we know that the people we love deserve our very very best.

Have you listened to your heart today???

San Francisco

In celebration of Christian's birthday we went to San Francisco for a Giants game. We had a BLAST!!! It was so nice to get out of town and chill out. We experienced some grumpiness... and I ended up with a few headaches along the way, but over-all we could not have possibly had a better time. There were just soooo many experiences for us.I was so blessed that Michael came with us. It is amazing how much more complete our family feels when he is with us. I love him so much!! He and I learned a lot about each other this weekend. Traveling has a way of doing that to people. The good, the bad, and yes most definately the ugly all seem to make their appearance when we leave the routine we are used to at home.

Meeting the Family

I have had this amazing man named Michael in my life for... the past six months. This is a picture from one of our first dates. Michael is unlike anyone I have ever known and I am absolutely head over hills for this guy. **sigh** ok... I need to focus now or else I will end up getting even mushier then I already have, and that my friend is not the point of this blog.

This weekend we went to Concord and I was able to meet Michael's dad's side of the family. His Mom and sister live in town and I was blessed to get to meet them very early on in our relationship. His dad however had been a complete mystery to me, and so it was really fun getting to meet a side of his family that I didn't really know very much about.

Michael's lovely sister Amanda turned 30 this weekend and their dad threw a party at his restaurant. It was so much fun getting to meet these people that have known Michael for so many years. They hired a DJ and there was dancing... and alcohol... ((my favorite being the **peach bellini** yum yum. The best part was getting to be right there by my love... I am so completely blessed to be the woman that gets to be by his side!!!

So.... in case you haven't had enough mushiness from me about the men in my life. I would also like to say:

HAPPY FATHERS DAY DADDY!!!!

I didn't get to spend very much time with my Dad today, but I did get to go over and hang out with him friday night. I have been blessed to be able to work with my Dad. I get to see him and spend time with him daily, and I am very grateful for the time that this allows for us to spend together. My Dad is a huge source of guidance in my life, he is one of the first people that I go to with my "BIG" questions, and someone that I have buckets of respect for.

I love you Daddy! I hope you had an amazing father's day!