Sensitivity

These past few weeks have been busy and draining. Last night, well, last night was different. I was able to relax and just enjoy the company of my wonderful kids and amazing boyfriend. It was good to just relax and laugh again. Life turns into busy-ness so easily for me. I can run around in circles with the best of them, but when I do that I lose sight of what God wants me to be doing. I am not honoring him with my time.

I am still going through the process of learning to listen to my heart, and not distracting myself from how I truly feel. It is still kicking my butt and I realized that one of the reasons I probably stopped listening to how I feel is because I am OVERLY-SENSITIVE and EMPATHETIC. Which means that when someone else feels like crap, I end up feeling like crap too. I don't take control of how I feel, I allow my environment to dictate that for me. Then the other side of that is that my tender heart becomes easily hurt. Throughout my life I learned to protect myself though and I built walls all around me. I learned not to listen to my sensitivity and taught myself to let things roll off my back. I love the idea of "mellow". I wanted that so desperately that I began to deny what my heart was really saying. I became a girl that didn't cry and I saw crying as a weakness. It was awkward and I didn't know what to do with it.

God is cleaning up the mess that I made and it hurts. I've been having to express how I am feeling to the people that I love, even if my head wants to tell me it is ridiculous and I shouldn't feel that way. Well, I do feel that way. I need to honor myself and my feelings by being honest about them. The amazing thing is I am learning to do that simply for myself, and not because I have an expectation of some sort of response from who I'm talking to. It's been great and I am really blessed God is changing this in my life.

I added some pictures from our trip to the coast a couple weeks ago. Enjoy!