Freewrite

I want to connect and so I search and search, but no connection can be found. I run ahead trying to catch up to my love, but I can never reach him. If only I would just sit and rest, I would be able to see that I am in my beloved’s presence. There is no reason to waste my energy trying to find him, because he has never left me. The more I struggle to see him, the harder it is for me to hear what he is speaking into my life. My heart is changing every day and I still search. I shout out for him to answer me, when my answer has already come. I want to see him in everything. I want to stop trying to do this on my own. Why do I struggle so much against just resting in you? It is so hard to accept that there is nothing that I can do FOR you. There is nothing that I can do to redeem the life of sin that I live. Nothing would ever be enough. You are able to love me because of your grace; it has nothing to do with me. How could God be so good? Everyone else expects so much and the creator of the universe expects nothing. Nothing except for my heart.

Isaiah 30

Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved.In quietness and confidence is your strength.But you would have none of it. So the Lord must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion.For the Lord is a faithful God.Blessed are those who wait for his help.

Connections

Recently I have been thinking a lot about my connections with the people around me. I really struggle with trying to stay connected with friends and loved ones and I'm not really sure why. Not to mention how difficult it has been for me to accept new people into my life!!! That is a whole other story in itself. Have I been busy? Absolutely. I don't really consider that an excuse though. I have a pretty full plate with work, school, the kids, and my boyfriend (whom I'm lucky to see throughout the week). I really need to make a better effort to stay connected.

I was at Jack in the Box this afternoon (ordering a chicken fajita pita, no onions, no fries, and a diet coke) and I actually made the effort to call a friend of mine. She wasn't available, but I had tried. I need to do that more. The reality is that most phone conversations probably wouldn't take very long, but there is something inside of me that resists picking that darn thing up.

Eh... I'm stuck. I'll have to think about it more tomorrow. Unfortunately my body really wanted a coffee today and I didn't give in to its demands. I am EXHAUSTED!!! I would love to just go to bed, but I know I have some more reading to do before I can make that happen. This schedule is taking a lot out of me, I am really excited about everything that I am getting done, but I really cherish my times of rest.

Park Tonight

Tired

Day one of healthy eating and exercise and I already feel absolutely wiped out. This is a really busy school week for me and I am about to the point of tears. I have an essay due tonight and I really don't feel as though it is going to be good enough. I can barely form enough rational thought to have a conversation with my dog--- let alone know if my college level essay flows and has proper punctuation. Just the fact that I am attempting to have a conversation with a dog should be a sign of my imbalance at the moment.

God I need you tonight. I need your strength, help, and guidance. I cannot do this on my own.

CHEEEEEESE!

I finally gave up on trying to find my camera and bought myself a new Sony Cyber-shot! I am so excited to go and take some pictures!!! Honestly, the fact that this camera is a rouge totally caught my attention and when the rest of the specs checked out I was pretty stoked. It fit the bill. Hopefully it takes AMAZING pictures... we'll see... I added some pics I took for our first "photo-shoot" when we got home today.

Palin and Clinton

J is for Joy

This weekend the kids went up to my Mom's house and I was so blessed to get to spend (close to) the entire weekend with Michael! We really needed the time to ourselves, especially with as busy as both of our schedules have been. Every moment we spent together I began to realize more and more why I am head over hills in love with that incredible man. I have found a connection to another person that I have never experienced. *sigh* I sure love him!

Friday night I was praying with Michael and I asked God to just pour joy into my life. There has been so much tension and stress lately. My God is so good to me and he delivered. I am at peace with the happenings in my life. I was finally able to surrender to God and place my heavy burdens at his feet. A huge weight has been lifted and I finally feel as though the next phase of my life is just around the corner.

It is so easy to get caught up in the problems and drama that life is constantly inundating me with. I am so tired of allowing circumstance to dictate my reality. God is in control of my life and he wants to bless me. I am going to start stepping back and allowing him to take over. This entire day... wow... this entire weekend has been an excellent example of how truly wonderful my life can be when I let God take care of me.

I added some pictures of when Michael and I went up to Dunsmuir this weekend. It was so relaxing and I loved the connection we found there.