Girls, Girls, Girls

Brad Paisley Here We Come!!!

This weekend I had the pleasure of getting to spend time with some really amazing women. We all piled into my car and we headed up to Roseville for a little bit of shopping. Then we traveled a little bit more and went to a Brad Paisley concert! **Jewel** too!

It was so much fun getting away and just getting to be silly with some really good friends. I love how refreshing a lovely stroll through the shoe store can be... especially if you are accompanied by friends as wonderful as mine!

Hurting

Have you ever screwed up and said the wrong thing? You were hurting so badly inside and so you somehow ended up taking it out on the people that you love the most?

The lamest part of it all, is realizing the second that it comes out, that you didn't mean it. By then it is too late. You have stuck your foot in your mouth and hurt the person that you love. So they leave... and you call and get their answering machine... and have to leave a pathetic sorry excuse for an apology for being such an incredible ass.

Haha ya... can you tell how my night went? I am really struggling today. I am hurting about things that are important, but instead of dealing with them... I lashed out at the people who care about me.

It's very frustrating for me that I'm not able to even resolve this right now, when I know that I am wrong. I want to grovel. I want to beg for forgiveness. Instead I have to understand that I hurt someone, and they have the right to take as much time as they need. I don't deserve instant relief. So instead of calling a million times (which is sadly what I want to do right now) I thought I would send my apology into the world of blogging and give my loved one the space that they deserve.

I screwed up. I made a mistake, and I know that it will get better. Patience. Patience. Peace will come.

Chaos

My mind is racing a mile a minute and it is hard to keep up with it all. I have my highs my lows... my inbetween... I am a woman... my emotions are fantastic and irritating all at the same time. Life can be busy for me: single mother, two kids, full time mom, part time student... mix in the family, friends and boyfriend and we have a fabulous mix... but a busy busy busy one.

Through all of the chaos it can be frustrating to try and listen to your heart. I know that it is important, but at the same moment there is a part of me that wonders... who has the time? I can't allow for that attitude to take control of me. If I stop listening to my heart, I will become stuck, eventually unhappiness will take over and I will have no idea why.

My heart desires a closer relationship with God. I know this and yet I still can find myself idiotically trying to fill my heart up with practically ANYTHING else. I run away. What a loving and merciful God who chooses to love me anyway. I place so many distractions between us and yet he continues to pursue me and let me know that when I am ready, he will still be there. I know I don't have forever... I have to choose better today.

I love making a list of my priorities and God typically makes the top of my list. Most of the time though it is probably just because I've thought he should be. I am learning that I need him to be. The only way that works is if I am able to reflect this decision with my time and actions.

Meeting the Family

I have had this amazing man named Michael in my life for... the past six months. This is a picture from one of our first dates. Michael is unlike anyone I have ever known and I am absolutely head over hills for this guy. **sigh** ok... I need to focus now or else I will end up getting even mushier then I already have, and that my friend is not the point of this blog.

This weekend we went to Concord and I was able to meet Michael's dad's side of the family. His Mom and sister live in town and I was blessed to get to meet them very early on in our relationship. His dad however had been a complete mystery to me, and so it was really fun getting to meet a side of his family that I didn't really know very much about.

Michael's lovely sister Amanda turned 30 this weekend and their dad threw a party at his restaurant. It was so much fun getting to meet these people that have known Michael for so many years. They hired a DJ and there was dancing... and alcohol... ((my favorite being the **peach bellini** yum yum. The best part was getting to be right there by my love... I am so completely blessed to be the woman that gets to be by his side!!!

So.... in case you haven't had enough mushiness from me about the men in my life. I would also like to say:

HAPPY FATHERS DAY DADDY!!!!

I didn't get to spend very much time with my Dad today, but I did get to go over and hang out with him friday night. I have been blessed to be able to work with my Dad. I get to see him and spend time with him daily, and I am very grateful for the time that this allows for us to spend together. My Dad is a huge source of guidance in my life, he is one of the first people that I go to with my "BIG" questions, and someone that I have buckets of respect for.

I love you Daddy! I hope you had an amazing father's day!

Whiner

I am sick. I am tired. My head hurts.

Have you noticed yet that I don't feel good? You might even consider me just a little bit moody. Maybe. I typically tend to be a very positive person, but if you get me down here in the mud I love to wallow in it.

I have always been a whiner... since I was a little girl I have always enjoyed curling up in a little ball and enjoying how miserable I am at that moment. Probably irritating to those who are around me, but I enjoyed it.

I am done being the victim... whether it is the truth or not... I want something better for my life. These times of weakness are the most amazing times for being able to rely on the strength of Jesus. How can I let myself rot in my suffering, when I know that he is by my side?

God is bringing me closer to him. He is revealing to me all of the areas in my life that I am supposed to be turning over to him, instead of being satisfied with my misery. Coming to my Jesus in prayer, placing these burdens at his feet, and then stepping up with the strength that he has blessed me with.

Sharing is Caring

re·la·tion·ship: the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship

Relationship.. ahhhh God has been teaching me so many things about relationship. It's exciting really. I promise. Frustrating. Sure. It has it's ups and downs. The end result, the part where I actually grow and change, well now that is fun. Except for the first part when I realize I have been doing all of it wrong for X amount of years. Oh well.

So... I have been learning and it has been very rewarding in so many different areas. Connecting with people in ways that I never knew was possible!!! In ways that weren't possible when I was looking at my relationships through a thoroughly selfish point of view. If I only look at the areas which are beneficial for me (yes I have done this... yuk) then I am losing out on SO much!! My eyes are open now... it's pretty fabu-la-mazing! Seeing things in this new way... serving others and all.

So... my first blog... done when I was in a pretty intereasting mood... but ya... it's out there because....