Frustrated

I am frustrated! Grrrrrrr! I don't feel supported... I don't feel like people understand what I want... I don't feel like people feel as though I'm allowed to "want what I want". It's majorly irritating, because when it comes down to it... I care about the opinions of these people. I want for them to be happy for me, and it doesn't look as though that is going to happen.

I totally hate this feeling of helplessness. I'm not really sure how to move forward. I could use some major "sent from above" wisdom.

The Engagement Story

This is a picture of Michael and I when we first started our relationship in December of 2007.


This past memorial day weekend, Michael and I were house-sitting at my Aunt Cyndee's house. It was a blast!!! She has a pool, pond, horse, dogs, property, a beautiful home and we definitely made use of all of it this weekend. On Saturday... I was really struggling with some things... and so I started to talk with Michael about it and be vulnerable with him. We began reading Psalms 40 together (amazing chapter!!!) and praying. In the middle of that, Christian got in trouble and was sitting in time out on the couch. Michael calls Christian over and says, "What would you think about me marrying your Mom?" Christian says, "That would be good, you are nice" haha so cute!! So.... Michael looks at me and says, "I think it is time for you to give me your ring" (you may have to read my post "Discussing Wedding Bells" to know what that means). I don't really know what to do or say... so I just sat there quietly staring at him.

Then Michael asks Christian, "What does a man do when he wants for a woman to marry him?" And Christian replies, "He says 'Can you marry me?'" So... Michael looks at me and says, "Can you marry me?" I start laughing and tell him, "YES!!!!" Then Michael looks at Christian and says, "This is what a man does when he wants for a woman to marry him..." at that point he got down on one knee and said some of the most beautiful, personal, and sweet things I have ever heard!!! At the very end he asked me, "Will you marry me?" I said, "Yes." and jumped into his arms with the hugest smile on my face.

Christian went out and told Cameran and she kept asking, "Really? are they really getting married???" Haha the answer is yes.... we are really getting married. We plan on doing marriage mentoring which will take at least 12 weeks (if anyone knows the people over there, could you give them a nudge on getting back to me!!!). Then after that we will be getting married. I am not going to know the date (again you'll have to refer to my previous post "Discussing Wedding Bells" if you want to know why). So... if you want exact details you will have to ask Michael.

I am so incredibly happy!! I have found the man of my dreams and I anticipate with pleasure the day that our two lives will become one. I ask that everyone pray that I am able to rest and enjoy this season of engagement, because honestly I would love to just run off and marry the man of my dreams tomorrow. I know there is something more than that for me in this season though. Thank you everyone for the congratulations!!! All of the well wishes have blessed me more than you know!!! Being able to feel the love and support of the community around us, is such an amazing encouragement to me!!

Ah yes... and the rumors are true... he did propose when I was without make-up and still in my pajamas. Hehe now that is true love!!!

A MUST READ!!!

Should I beat around the bush? Or just come out and say it?

I'm engaged!!!!




Updates

Ever since my birthday I have been absolutely exhausted! Is this what it feels like to be old??? Have I gotten to this point already at the ripe old age of 24??? The only reason I have managed to stay awake as late as I have, is because I took a nap earlier this evening! Wow... what a negative and complaining attitude... what is going on here?

I just want to take a little bit of time before bed to send forth praise to God for the things that he has been doing in my life. It is so easy to focus on the bad things. There always seems to be SOMETHING that I could complain about... but I am so tired of allowing that spirit to take over my life. It's not thanksgiving.... but I don't need a turkey to recognize the blessings God has given me in my life.

1. The thing I am probably most excited about right now is exploring a future with the man that I love. I love having him in my life and am so blessed to get to experience these seasons with him by my side. Thank you God for trusting me with his heart... I will be praising your goodness for the rest of my life!!

Michael and I at a wine tasting in Napa!

2. My kids are amazing!!! Summer is coming up and it blows me away how much my kids have learned over the past year. I can't believe my babies will be turning 5 and 7 this summer!!!!
Christian and Cameran outside of Cool Hand Lukes

3. We're moving this summer... to a house!! With the kids growing up... and the possibility of another family member in the upcoming future... we are upgrading to a beautiful 3 bedroom home with a deliciously big backyard.
Ninja shot of the new place!!!

Just a taste of the blessing and favor that God has on my life. More to come!!! I need to get to bed, that nap was not long enough!!!